Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
