Plan B is the new Plan A
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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