So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
