I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
