fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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