Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I know her cup size but not her name....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
