yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
