dude i'm inner monologue high
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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