i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
