I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
