look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
