So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize