She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
