isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
