he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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