Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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