I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
