I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
