And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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