Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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