I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
