dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
