I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize