I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
