only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
