if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
