I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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