HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
