have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
