So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
