God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
