im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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