So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
