Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
