a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
