That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
