My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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