Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
not ubering you a puppy
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
