DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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