So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
