He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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