Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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