I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
