i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
