Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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