Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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