it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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