My boss' voice literally gives me gas
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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