in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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