Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
