I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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