We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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