I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
