Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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