I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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