i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
