I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My pussy is not your playground.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
