She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
