Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They have beer where we have blood.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
