Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
