two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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