Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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