It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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