i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
