VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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