True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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