i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
