I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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