Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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