I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
