he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
