I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
