He asked to "fluff my boner.."
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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