I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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