Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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