Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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