just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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