Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
