So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
