She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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