i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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