Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.

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  (512): Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker. http://tfl.nu/5qzf
  Replies (9) Good night (955) Bad night (3029)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does

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  (740): Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does http://tfl.nu/kyc4
  Replies (49) Good night (4635) Bad night (757)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me

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  (201): we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me http://tfl.nu/mhrn
  Replies (34) Good night (752) Bad night (5053)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Update, its a couple

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  (402): On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho. (402): Update, its a couple http://tfl.nu/mrbp
  Replies (16) Good night (6834) Bad night (1169)
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  (818): View more from California

  I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.

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  (818): I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder. http://tfl.nu/z8u4
  Replies (50) Good night (6766) Bad night (2674)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.

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  (817): I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno. http://tfl.nu/gzp0
  Replies (4) Good night (2044) Bad night (1378)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted

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  (785): totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted http://tfl.nu/rzdq
  Replies (2) Good night (3426) Bad night (798)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  And I can feel feelings now and they hurt

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  (978): And I can feel feelings now and they hurt http://tfl.nu/fxac
  Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (1412)
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  (714): View more from California

  It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.

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  (714): It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs. http://tfl.nu/jalq
  Replies (13) Good night (532) Bad night (1989)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO

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  (609): On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO http://tfl.nu/r9jo
  Replies (26) Good night (918) Bad night (2208)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.

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  (303): Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package. http://tfl.nu/50h2
  Replies (3) Good night (1015) Bad night (484)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.

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  (304): Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about. http://tfl.nu/t5bz
  Replies (3) Good night (966) Bad night (382)
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  (707): View more from California

  He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.

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  (707): He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro. http://tfl.nu/sp67
  Replies (3) Good night (873) Bad night (353)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...

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  (479): I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns... http://tfl.nu/3zef
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (305)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.

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  (206): Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food. http://tfl.nu/emne
  Replies (2) Good night (215) Bad night (517)

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