I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.