just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.