Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't want my vagina anymore.