So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
