woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
