Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
