Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
