i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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