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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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