im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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