just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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