My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
