omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
